In the tantric approach to sex and intimacy, keeping still is more important than movement. Tantric kissing involves close contact with the whole of your partner’s lips for long periods, just being together in closeness, breathing together and sensing the presence of the other.
In tantric sex, time becomes unimportant, and the whole period can take hours. Touching and being close to your partner is the key. Touching each other, lubricating each other, and then inserting the penis before it is even fully aroused is the common approach.
The connection at a mental level that comes from the connection of the two bodies physically gives pleasure. Once the penis is inserted into the vagina there is no thrusting, no hard movement, but more a quiet rocking back and forth, which excites both and can lead to orgasm.
The aim for the man is to delay orgasm, and not to strive to do much, rather to enter a state of being. For the woman the aim is to reach a whole body orgasm, and not to concentrate on the clitoris at all. This is all different from normal kissing and sex, where the importance of the clitoris is so great, and this is how most women reach orgasm.
Despite all these differences and the need to study to be able to perform tantric sex, with many books suggesting courses and retreats may be necessary to be able to deliver orgasms to each other, and the other elements of tantric thought which emphasise the magnetic pull of the bodies together, and the need for meditation and lack of emotion, many couples find this approach to sex enlightening. It is an approach which can give greater pleasure to both partners.
Some elements of the approach can also be used in more traditional sex, particularly the emphasis on taking time, and being close to your partner.
Tantric style kissing can be an effective way to relax into the act of kissing and realise the need to kiss so as to give the greatest pleasure to the other.
The emphasis on being connected, with the penis in the vagina and not moving fits with the need to stop hard and powerful movements and to prolong the sex before male ejaculation occurs.
The insertion of the semi aroused penis into the vagina allows those with poor penile expansion, or problems of lack of erection to bond together. The delay in male ejaculation, or even sex without male ejaculation, allows relaxation now that the process of pleasing your partner is the core, and ejaculation is no longer the only goal. This can help with those men who have problems of premature ejaculation, or difficulty in reaching ejaculation. Once such worries are no more they will find that the problems may disappear and will become much less important.
Tantric sex requires a high level of intimacy and intimacy gives pleasure to both.
So experiment with the tantric approaches, see if they work for you and if you want to explore further consider getting a book or taking a course. For a couple practice where they learn to touch, to be close, and to relish every part of each other’s body can do nothing but good, even if some of the philosophy underlying the approach does not appeal or the techniques not work for them.
For many women the lack of involvement in the clitoral stimulation which they know brings them to orgasm is a problem. But there is no reason to use only one method when practicing intimacy in sex if other approaches are also needed.
The aim of both partners should always be to be fully mindful of the other, and to seek pleasure in giving pleasure to them. It may be that you could start with tantric kissing, then cuddling, then oral sex so that the woman has an orgasm, and then move into more tantric themed penetration and take it all from there.
This is something to savor, to enjoy, and to reflect upon, always finding ways to increase the pleasure of your partner and hence your own. For some people this whole approach can be very liberating.
Ms. Sierra Parker 