At the same time as you are having all your chats and discussions with your partner, there is also a value of having an individual “intimacy diary” in which you can individually and privately record your hopes and fears. This will act to give you a hard record of your successes, and writing it will remind you of the journey you are taking. Recording your fears will allow you to confront them and because it is so personal and private you will be able to put down your deepest thoughts.
This means that you are not hiding anything but doing things together; but you still have your own private space, but you are using it and your intimacy diary to focus yourself on the desire and need to develop, and to reintroduce intimacy into your lives.
Write something every time you have one of the discussions or do one of the exercises, but keep it private.
Now it is time to move forward, to start the next section of the course and to embrace the practical, using the practical ideas and exercises to fuel your discussions and life together to all a true restart to intimacy which will take intimacy into every area of your life.
Do not panic. These are all small steps which can be taken relatively easily, but the overall effect is to make bigger areas of change in behaviors and actions, all fueled by mindfulness and care. Even the longest journey starts with a single step.
So my advice to couples or individuals is to use these sections to explore what you can do together and above all to enjoy yourselves and have fun. Not all of the potential options will apply to everyone, and some ideas may not appeal to one of other in a partnership. No matter. Concentrate first on the ones you both like, and make them part of your intimacy lifestyle. Some people will like some ideas, but to others some of the suggestions, such as living a day handcuffed to each other may not appeal. Others will love the unexpected closeness as everything, and I mean everything, is done together.
If you have an idea and your partner does not like it, do not be pushy, but listen to what is said and how it is said as well. Be mindful of her needs, desires and aspirations, and look for the things you can do together.
Be courageous, as some of the ideas may be new, or push you outside anything you have ever done before. You may never have had any experience of massage, or realized that you needed to look hard at your appearance, or to embrace the idea of providing a cup of tea in bed to your partner, but there is much to enjoy.
The more you enjoy yourselves, the more you will communicate this joy to each other, and the better and more intimate the relationship.
The only definite orders to anyone using this book to restart their life of intimacy and to grow into a life where there is intimacy in everything are:
- Think about intimacy
- Be mindful of your partner’s needs, desires, and aspirations
- Listen and be open
- Have courage to start to change
- Have fun and enjoy yourselves
Then you will build a new and intimate partnership, and your reintroduction to intimacy will be a success!