For many men, kissing and sex are the only things they have considered as intimate. I hope that these blog posts and your reading of my book and course will have shown you that this is not the case and that intimacy comes from everything in your life.
Even though so many things can give intimacy, kissing a partner is still one of the most intimate things you can do. Here are some ideas.
We have all been kissed, in greeting, in parting, and as a more intimate action as well. We learn to apply our lips fleetingly to the cheek of a favorite friend, or to air kiss the air close to them but not touching. In many societies failure to exchange kisses on meeting someone is taken as an insult, and this applies just as much to men as women. Here it is not “sexual” kissing but a kiss of recognition and no more.
Most of us have also experienced more sexually charged kisses, often no more than the brush of the lips on ours, but if it is first kiss with someone we are attracted to even a fleeting contact may feel so intimate. Some kisses are so close that the whole mouth is involved, with tongues darting into the other’s mouth.
Some of these were so exciting, but others felt horrible, with a tongue invading where it was not wanted, or a kiss from someone whose mouth and lips tasted as if they were foul, bad breath, poor dental hygiene and too much pressure. This is definitely a turn off rather than a turn on and feels more like a violation than an intimacy.
There are so many parts of the body which can be kissed; indeed the whole body can be used to show your love and adoration. Mostly people concentrate upon the lips or may kiss the genitals as part of oral sex, but miss out on so many areas of the body.
Before you kiss your partner, or indeed anyone there are some very simple considerations which are often forgotten. You should make sure that your lips are clean and not cracked or infected with cold sores or any other skin infection.
You want to make sure that your mouth is clean and your teeth are clean also, otherwise the person you kiss may not really taste you just the food you had to eat several hours ago. Dental hygiene is essential, for if your teeth are rotten and your gums infected you will taste foul, and your breath will smell in addition. If you have been eating onions or lots of garlic or spices the taste will be in your mouth and in your breath for hours afterwards. If someone is close enough for you to kiss and you have bad breath or a bad body odor you will repel them.
These may seem to be such obvious issues which can be so easily dealt with, but they are often forgotten, and forgetting these sorts of things is enough to put your partner off any intimacy with you. For a single man who seeks a relationship having a clean mouth with fresh breath and clean lips is a situation which will not repel potential partners, but any failure in this area will drive people away so fast.
For a man in a relationship who is seeking to restart in his relationship these are stumbling blocks which are so obvious, but the partner may not feel they can mention them due to embarrassment.
So the message is clear; be prepared with a clean mouth and fresh breath before you try to initiate a kiss. In addition find out if your partner wants you clean shaved or not. A stubbly beard may look romantic, but can have the consistency of sandpaper, and if you are potentially going to be kissing sensitive areas then you need to know how she wants you, clean shaven or not.
Kissing the lips and face
Social kissing on greeting someone is usually on the face not the lips, but if you know someone well then a kiss on the lips may be what they like. Find out what someone expects and do it. If greeting means just shaking hands then a kiss on both cheeks may seem too intimate. If cheek kissing is expected then shaking hands will seem like far too little.
If you do kiss on the lips be guided by the person you are kissing and the environment. If you are in public then a passionate long kiss may not be appropriate whereas a soft touch on the lips may be what is wanted. If you are in private and it is a “first “ kiss then the same is also true, and if you are pushy and press tightly against their lips and try to stick your tongue in their mouth the person you are kissing may not like it. As always be mindful of what you are doing and the person you are doing it with and be lead by them.
Even if you are kissing them passionately, hard pressure, or constant movement, or tongues going in and out of their mouth, may not be what they want. It looks all very well in films and the media and in fiction, but a slow soft prolonged kiss with your lips touching theirs for a minute of more may be more erotic than all the movement and touching them with your tongue.
Be lead by your partner, and never more than when you are thinking of using your tongue. Be lead by them, and let their tongue enter your mouth first before you risk invading their private space.
Make all the movements delicate and not forceful, and see what happens and how the person you are kissing behaves. If they want more action they will show it by the way they behave, and you can suit your actions to what they indicate they want. If you are the person who has just been given a passionate kiss, and it was good, let them know it was good and you want more. As the recipient of the kiss you should have control and indicate how you want it to develop.
Kissing your partner or a friend should be good for both of you, unforced, natural and pleasure for both. Think first and do not assume you know how to be good at kissing. The person who is best at it is the person who pays attention to their partner in the kiss.