Restart yourself to prepare to find intimacy
In these blog posts I have attempted to show a way in which intimacy can be increased in a relationship, and a change can be made to an intimacy focused life. Many men complain of not having enough sex with their partners, and the partners complain of there being inadequate intimacy in their relationship.
Some of this is due to previous experiences which have lead to behaviors which do not support intimacy in the relationship. For the man this is most often a reliance on media stereotypes of what they think they should be doing and how sex should be for themselves with a concentration on ejaculation and orgasm for them. Frequent masturbation and reliance on pornography may have fixed these behaviors in place and reduced the chances of the man showing intimacy in other ways.
Many men truly have little experience in all the ways in which they can share intimacy with their partner, and how little mundane things such as taking out the trash or providing foot massage can become vehicles for showing love and caring and a way to share intimacy. For many women sexual pleasure has only come from clitoral stimulation, and masturbation, and they have had little pleasure or orgasms from penetrative sex. They may not have realized how little this is understood by most men, who also have little experience of how to be intimate in other ways than through penetrative sex. They may also not know how poorly most men understand their needs for intimacy in all its forms and their desire for it.
This lack of knowledge and communication often leads to issues in a relationship, where neither understands what are the needs, desires, and aspirations of the other.
For the single man who seeks intimacy and a relationship these factors mean that he is so often completely out of his depth. He may have little idea of even how to begin.
Any increase in intimacy in a relationship has to start where the people are already and their understanding of what increases or prevents intimacy. This is challenging stuff, for most of us do not want to delve to deep into our past successes or failures, or see where we have failed to deliver in a relationship. No matter what you find here this is all the past, and the object of these blogs and the whole process of reintroduction to intimacy is to have a fresh start.
The two pillars of this process are that the male should embrace male chastity and that both should be mindful of each other. Male chastity is the freely accepted practice where the man gives up the ability to pleasure himself, to masturbate and to play with his private parts, and he hands over the ultimate control of these parts to someone else. This frequently leads to him wearing a chastity device to which his partner, a friend, or a professional coach holds the key. The object of this is to allow the man to stop all previous behaviors, and to be in a position where he can start again.
This is the stop signal which energizes him to change. He can only do it and make use of it if he wants to change, but it is there to help him. He is not prevented from having sex, only the control of it is not in his hands.
If he takes this step he will be cutting himself off from the use of masturbation and pornography as an aid to ejaculation, and will be dependent on what happens in the real world and not the one of his fantasies. This brings him fully into the whole word and acts as a stimulus to learning how he can please a potential partner and to go and find one.
If he then applies the principles of being mindful of the needs, desires, and aspirations of anyone he meets, and he learns to really listen to them, and show his interest by the way he treats them he will have a greater chance of finding someone interested in him. It is surprising how many women report that the people they meet at work, and in social gatherings are only interested in one thing, and that is themselves. Of course they are also interested in one other thing, which is getting to know someone so they can have sex with them, but their technique for reaching this point is woeful.
If all the women can say is that the men are only interested in themselves, their work, their car, their hobbies , then such men are not listening to the women but just talking at them. If a woman finds a man who will listen to her as a person, and show interest in her hobbies and interests, and who will treat her as an equal then she will be likely to want them as her friend. This can lead to platonic friendship, but can also lead to more intimate meeting and the development of a relationship.
For a man to be able to embrace male chastity and mindfulness may be more than he can do on his own, and help may be needed. This can come from a friend who can act as a key holder, or there are professionals, often from within the BDSM community who offer key holding services on the internet. Such people are rarely trained to work and mentor outside the kink community, and a man seeking a relationship who is interested in using male chastity as a method to help him may not want to go down this path.
An alternative way is to seek the assistance of a trained counselor, or coach, but few of them use male chastity as part of their system of assistance and might not feel happy acting as key holder for someone who is trying the effects of male chastity in their life.
This is something I have been doing for several years now. I can point you in the direction of someone who can act as a mentor and an external supervisor for the whole process of restarting Intimacy. Contact the author, Sierra Parker, by clicking here.
This assistance is often essential to getting a man well on the path of restarting intimacy and established in male chastity and learning how to be mindful.
Once the man has established himself on the program he can learn skills among those described in the later blogs which will aid him in his search for a companion and prevent him frightening people away.
If he learns how to make sure he is well groomed, clean and tidy and has clean hands, tidy nails, and no bad breath this will mean that women will not be repelled by him.
If he stands straight and does not slouch and looks at the person he is speaking to he will appear to be attentive.
If he has the opportunity to take a woman for a ride in his car and it is tidy and clean she may be pleasantly surprised. If she enters the place he lives and it is clean and tidy, and he can offer her a drink and serve it to her nicely she will be very surprised.
If he goes on a date and brings her flowers or a small present she will be impressed.
If he goes to her place and she provides a meal he can offer to help or to help wash up. If they go out together he can pay for the meal.
All of these are sufficiently rare that a woman will notice, and this will have the effect of making a relationship much more likely.
These are simple skills. More difficult is the need to be ever mindful of the person you are talking to, and to be fully mindful so you can see them, compliment them on how wonderful they look, and above all listen to them and be mindful.
For a woman to find a man who listens to her, and is prepared to be silent and not to push into the conversation or only want to talk about his hobbies and interests is rare. Learning the skills of being silent, and of really listening with the whole of your mind and body, so the other realizes that you are is an extremely important skill.
Be ever mindful of who you are with. Watch them for non verbal cues, listen to what they are saying, and be mindful that to have a relationship with them you need to be mindful of all their needs, desires, and aspirations. Learn to do this and you will get the reputation of being a “good listener” and get to know people as people, and this is a very intimate situation, even if there are no sexual overtones.
Learning a skill, whether it is the skill of making sure your place is tidy and you can make a drink and serve it nicely, or learning to cook and clean so you can offer help or provide a meal will impress.
Consider learning how to do foot massage. You can learn from books, and practice on yourself, or on your friends, but many women will treasure someone who can massage away the pains from their tired feet at the end of a busy day, and this can always led on to greater intimacy and a relationship if both of you wish it.
Always go slowly, looking for cues, and never be pushy. This will drive anyone away, and if you read it wrong you could be out on your ear after a botched attempt to kiss or touch which is seen as inappropriate. You will get a bad reputation if you are pushy, but be seen as “sweet or nice” if you take it slowly, which is what most woman want.
There is much to learn for even the single man. All the approaches which may lead to your forming a relationship can be aided by learning skills, and the way you listen and approach someone.
If you have realized that you have had problems with relationships in the past, and the factors that affect you in the way you try to form and keep relationships and either help or hinder, you will have made a good start. If you learn the practice of mindfulness, and use the process of male chastity to help wean you from masturbation and dependence on fantasy and pornography you will start to operate in the real world.
If you make the most of the learning opportunities to learn simple skills and behaviors that will show you as “reasonable” and someone who will listen this will make you more able to form and sustain relationships. Even if you do not immediately meet someone and embark on an intimate relationship you will get on better with your friends and the people you work with.
By looking more focused, cleaner and tidier and communicating better you will do better at work and since it is there you may find yourself seeing lot of people you will form good relationships even in the work world. As we all spend most of our time in work, and less outside of work, work relationships have the potential to become more and more important. Intimate relationships often start at work and go on from there, so your behavior with colleagues may be the key to getting on at work and making satisfying intimate relationships as well, possibly with the same people.
The possibilities for improvement are there no matter what may have gone wrong with relationships in the past, or even the lack of them and of experience. Simple steps, taken day after day, allow change to occur, and after making use of the resources of this book or the course, and with the aid of friends or professional coaches most men can improve their chances of making and sustaining intimate relationships, and satisfying a woman.
Restart intimacy gives a model which you can use, with assistance to change your lives and make intimate relationships a reality. You can learn how to please a woman, and this will lead to your pleasure in return You can make intimacy more likely in your life by the way you behave and interact.
Restarting intimacy is a method which works but it does require self honesty and work. Put at its most simple the message is:
- Start to live in the real world with real people and cast away fantasy and fiction
- Be mindful of anyone with whom you interact
- Learn skills to impress and make sure you know what you are doing
- Listen to what is being said in words and actions and gestures
- Do not be pushy but respond to others overtures to you
- Listen to her
- Listen to her
- Listen to HER, for she is showing you what she wants and how she wants it.
You can learn to satisfy another and their needs, their desires, and their aspirations.
But you can only do so by being mindful and taking the time and effort. You can change, and that change will liberate you to be able to form and sustain intimate relationships which lead to satisfaction for you and a partner.
RESTART INTIMACY A Unique Approach to Male Chastity (Intimacy and Male Chastity)
Re-Introduction to Intimacy: A Workbook for Couples: Part 1. Build the foundations making male chastity work for you
Re-Introduction to Intimacy:a Workbook for couples: Part 2: Learn the skills; Become Expert and Fulfilled
Re-Introduction to Intimacy: A Workbook for Couples (Re-Introduction to Intimacy A workbook for couples)
Re-Introduction to Intimacy: a Workbook for the Single Man: Part 1: Build the Foundations; making male chastity work for you
Re-Introduction to Intimacy: a Workbook for the Single Man: Part 2. Learn the skills : Become Expert and ready for Intimacy
Re-Introduction to Intimacy: a Workbook for the Single Man (Re-Introduction for the single man)
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