Michael and Mary had been married for 10 years. They had courted for 6 months before the marriage, but both came from “old fashioned backgrounds” and had little sexual experience and there was no sex before marriage. Seems odd but it still happens sometimes. That was the way they had been brought up!
Now things had gone stale. When they married Michael always wanted sex, and was so attentive, flowers, meals out, anything to please. Now after two children, Mary always seemed tired. Both worked but Michael brought in most of the money. Mary did all the housework.
They wanted to change things as they had started to have arguments about silly things, and found themselves saying wounding things about each other, then withdrawing into a hurt silence more like a sulk than anything else. They were introduced to me through a friend, just as I was developing the Reintroduction to Intimacy course, and putting together the information to write my books. For me they agreed to become one of my early “guinea pig“ experiments on restarting intimacy in a relationship.
Once I got to know them it all poured out, dissatisfaction by Mary that Michael did not pull his weight at home, and she was not getting the intimacy and support she wanted and needed. He realized her issues, but for him it was that she did not often want sex because she was too tired and he felt rejected. She had not realized that he was masturbating whilst looking at porn on the computer most nights. He needed to stop, and he realized this as well.
It was difficult to persuade Michael to stop and embrace male chastity, but he cared for Mary and she thought it might help after we had all discussed it, and I had had chats with them both separately. So they decided to give it a go.
It was a difficult start for both of them. He wanted to try “male chastity” on his terms, no kit, but it did not work out as he could not do it. But even that meant that he became more attentive to Mary and her needs and she could see it. Both felt that things were slightly better but not what they wanted. I persuaded them to try the “restart” approach.
They tried again, this time with a CB6000 bought off Amazon. This time it clicked, not at first as there were teething troubles, but it seemed to be possible. Michael was really up for it this time. He said that being locked away and seeing the key hanging around Mary’s neck made him so aroused and kept him on edge all the time.
The crux came one week after Michael was away at a conference for work. He was locked up with the key at home twenty miles away. But they had time for late evening talk and they chatted each evening and he found himself thinking of her all the time. He was partially aroused day and night by the thought of Mary there at home, and the touch of the CB6000 made him feel that there was something there all the time. This time he was away there was no possibility of masturbating to porn on the hotel television.
Now his behaviour started to change. She held the reins and she liked it. She had started to wear the “key to his heart” around her neck. He became ever more attentive to her as he knew this was the only way he was going to get release. He had agreed it, he wanted it to work, and was prepared to do whatever it took. He became so engaged in the project where he might have had second thoughts before.
They talked every night, when he was away but also now every evening at home as well and they began to work out what they wanted to change in the way they were living together.
She wanted more help at home, more intimacy (not sex) and more listening to her needs. All of this was work and change for him to do.
He wanted more positive feedback when he did things right, more chance to be together touching and possibly more sex if she wanted it, and fewer arguments between them. This was stuff for her to do as well as him.
What did they do?
He calls before coming home to see if there is anything she needs to be picked up from the shops. He greets her with a kiss when he gets home and asks about her day first before he tells her about his problems at work. He clears the table after supper and does the washing up after she has cooked.
So what about intimacy between them?
They take time to talk and discuss things so there are fewer arguments. They set aside time after the children are in bed for them to be together. Whilst she puts the children to bed he tidies the rooms. Then they sit quietly together touching and cuddling. He cuddles up to her in bed and gives her a kiss before he gets up in the morning. He checks before he leaves the house if there is anything he should do before coming home. He buys her flowers. He does his share of the chores.
Now he has become much more attentive and realized that he needs to do his share of work around the home, particularly at weekends, so his wife is less tired. They split the work at weekends so they get it done faster, and then have energy for each other.
They take opportunities to go out together, and occasionally have time in the afternoon when the children are out with friends or even away overnight for a sleepover.
Does he get more sex or less?
Now he is released from the chastity device at least once a week, and this is because his wife wants sex and is less tired. Previously sex had almost stopped and become something less than once a month, but with more time for cuddles, more time touching each other, and for Mary the chance to tease him when he is in the chastity as well, everything is more tactile, as they touch each other so many times a day, and use it to show they care and keep close.
Is he pussy whipped?
No. He has freely given Mary the gift of his male chastity and the key. He does so much more because he wants to do it, and he can see the effect of his sharing in the work at home has had on Mary. Before he was not pulling his weight; now they are doing it all together and it draws them closer.
This is a real case and not made up. These things really happened as I have described. It was all slightly embarrassing for me as I did not expect such massive changes to occur. I was fascinated to see the changes and they both talked to me of how they were feeling. I could see through their eyes how they had truly restarted intimacy into their lives. Even their friends noticed that things were different, and asked what was happening, but they did not want to tell anyone, and Michael was never going to let on that he wore a chastity device for his wife and she held the key. I was surprised how much effort they both put into it, and both have separately told me how much they have got out of it as well
No matter; it all happened because at the core of it they had a good and stable marriage, just with issues on top which obscured their love for each other. Both wanted it better and wanted to try. They worked out the details for themselves with their own experience. I only helped them to be focused on what they were going to try to do and gave hints on how they could be more mindful of each other. Their desire to change and to improve things made it possible for them to embrace change, and to change the way they were living.
Now several years later is it still the same. Yes, surprising, but they are now still in love with each other as much as before and always seeking to please and support each other. Michael still wears his chastity when he goes out to work, or is away, and sometimes they both decide to have him in chastity for longer periods as well. He knows he is valued, and although the chastity may irritate and restrict him he knows at the depth of his being that he is chaste because he wants to be and he wants to give all his love and effort to pleasing Mary.
Can it go on forever like this?
I do not know, but the individuals who I have given these names in this example want it to do so, as they are having so much fun and are so close to each other.